WHAT HAPPENED IN NEW JERSEY??????????????

I have waited to post a response to this cruel event in order to give all sides a thorough investigation as there is nothing worse than posting a "knee jerk" reaction and then eating your words later.

I would like to cover the story from a different angle.  Let us ask ourselves what are the causes and effects on both sides and what is it that WE, the universe of beings, can do to prevent this from happening to us or those we love.

1st what caused a person to think it would be funny to video tape a private moment that another person, ANY PERSON might be happening.   Is it that we have become so inamored with entertaining ourselves and others that we no longer think of the consequences.  From what I have read and seen in all the magazines, news reports, blogs and tv reports, there was no one saying "hey if we do this it might make someone upset?" or "do you think Tyler would disagree with this?"  or even "Would I want someone to do this to me?"
Are we truley living in a time where we do not consider another persons feelings to the point of making such disasterous decisions?  It is here that we shall look at the causes.

• A.  Where do all of our choices, ideas, and examples come from and when can we be held responsible for our own actions?    
• B.  What is the importance of the family unit?
• C.  What is the importance of community?
• D.  What is the difference between community and institution?
• E.  What are really being taught and by whom 

There are of course many debates on this topic.  Some will go so far as to say that a child is not even considered a "real" person until they are born so let it be well understood that is my personal oppinon from the research I have done.  Keep an open mind because information is only as good as your reaction to it.

WHERE DO ALL OF OUR CHOICES / IDEAS & EXAMPLES 1ST COME FROM - is the 1st part of question A.  This is an obvious answer.  FROM HOME.  The house hold is the 1st microcosom of the social and the spiritual world to our children.   It is from the house hold that children learn how to interact one with another and how to interact with their version of God. If a child should be so lucky as to have 2 parents then he/she is in the 73% of children who were reported to be raised by a single parent in the 2009 census. 
So what's the "average" single parent really like? According to the U.S. Census Bureau...

She is a Mother:

• Approximately 84% of custodial parents are mothers (based on most recent studies this is because the man in the relationship has commited an act of infidelity / abuse or been widowed hence custodialship is left to the more responsible partner in cases of abuse or infidelity, and
• 16% of custodial parents are fathers who have either widowed or are also victims of acts of infidelity

She is Divorced or Separated:

Of the 84% of mothers who are custodial parents:

• 45% are currently divorced or separated (due to financial disagreements / infidelity / abuse)
• 34.2% have never been married (women who have had children out of wedlock / adopted or left children from a family member who has been deceased)
• 19% are married (In most cases, these numbers represent women who have remarried.)
• 1.7% were widowed

Of the 16% of fathers who are custodial parents:

• 57.8% are divorced or separated - (due to financial disagreements / infidelity / abuse)
• 20.9% have never married - (women who have had children out of wedlock / adopted or left children from a family member who has been deceased)
• 20% are currently married (In most cases, these numbers represent men who have remarried.)
• Fewer than 1% were widowed

She is Employed:

• 79.5% of custodial single mothers are gainfully employed to support what is now considered a "normal family environment" This is usually not the choice of the parent now supporting the children after all, not many of us choose to have children and then just leave them for another person to take care of.  This is another article in and of itself.
• 49.8% work full time, year round 29.7% work part-time or part-year                         
•  20.5% are unemployeed and living off the government
• 90% of custodial single fathers are gainfully employed
• 71.7% work full time, year round 18.4% work part-time or part-year                        
•  9.9 are unemployeed and living off the government

She and Her Children Do Not Live in Poverty:

• 27% of custodial single mothers and their children live in poverty
• 12.9% of custodial single fathers and their children live in poverty

She Does Not Receive Public Assistance:

Among custodial single mothers:

• 22% receive Medicaid
• 23.5% receive food stamps
• 12% receive some form of public housing or rent subsidy
• 5% receive receive TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families)

She is 40 Years Old or Older:

• 39.1% of custodial single mothers are 40 years old or older

She is Raising One Child:

• 54% of custodial mothers are raising one child from the absent parent
• 46% have two or more children living with them 

In the light of the above stated material above who is it that usually takes the blame for parents seperating?  We know that it is the children of course.  This influences how they think act towards the partner whether they be male or female.  For example, usually the child living with the mother is poisoned to think negative thoughts about his/her father or males and vice/versa for those being raised by the Father or male.   This is but a small part of the exposure children have towards not caring about another person or their feelings, after all, did anyone ask the children whether or not they thought their parents should divorce? Were the childrens opinions considered valid or of any importance?  As previously stated, divorce and seperations are inevitable in cases of infidelity or abuse but the affect on children is never the less the same.  A child percieves that their opinion is of no value and in this insecurity a bully or person of calouse thinking is born.

THE 2ND PART OF THIS QUESTION IS WHERE ARE THE EXAMPLE OF SOCIAL CULTURE 1ST BORN - of course again the family - whether they are seperated / married / grandparents or government sponsored.   What is the averager American family doing everyday?

I'm going to keep our focus in one general area and skirt around where the other areas may be. My main focus is going to be around the #1 reason that we, as the United States are not even rated in the top 15 out of 36 other countries in academics and literacy and that is the TV.


Now that everything has gone digital and we are connected to everything ALL the time whether it be by satellite / phone or internet, there's no lack of PROGRAMING the young minds today. We have become a generation that would rather watch someone else living the dream instead of going for the dream ourselves. The latest Neilson rating shows that over 90% of Americans are watching at least 4 to 5 hours of TV a day or about 28 to 35 hours a week - that's as much as a part time (almost full time) job. If you don't think the impact of the TV is making a difference then just look around at what the youth of today is wearing, drinking, eating and talking about. Most of us are just quoting the spin doctors, singing the songs and emulating the styles and attitudes of their favorite TV show and with the popularity of public video websites showing people invading others privacy for laughs and getting sponsors to pay for getting high viewer volume, we are encouraged to go further and further for those viewers. After all, it's okay if there's a camera on every street corner and in every store right? So what's the big deal if we tape our friends and family in their own private time? I think we just answered that question with this happen - stance in New Jersey.

TO BE CONTINUED...........................

BACK TO SCHOOL MEANS BACK TO BULLIES

Boy was burned over 2/3rds of his body - this is SICK - What are kids thinking?  Read "ENDANGERED MINDS" & " A is for OX" -  open your eyes everyone and welcome to the post illiterate world we now live in.  

"Be the change you want to see"

ARE YOU RAISING A BULLY AND DON'T KNOW IT?

Most of the time I find a relevant article to share with you but this time I am going to speak from my over 20 years of Martial Arts background in working with people who have both been bullied and been the bully.  (You hear a lot of things in 20 years of working with the public)

This is how I explain it to parents so they can recognize whether or not they are grooming a bully unknowingly.  Remember this information comes from the front line of the battle and is not information that was extracted from some poll or study done somewhere in another part of the country.  These are the in your face situations that I recognized, dealt with and corrected everyday teaching both kids and parents about how to handle bullies.  This is correcting the problem and not just a program that is putting a Band Aid on the problem.

MY SUGGESTIONS TO PARENTS ON WHAT TO AVOID AT THE FOLLOWING AGES:

0 to 2 years:  (NO T.V.) Make sure you are in control - allowing your child to do what ever they want to do at this age is starting early teaching them that they can do, say and act how ever they want to to get what ever they want.  As a father of 3 whose oldest is 14 and youngest is 7 I can tell you with great assurance that my children had learned by the age of 2.5 years that they were not going to scream and yell to get what they wanted.  They were required to politely ask for what they wanted as well as learn that NO was not the end of the world.  This boundary is necessary if you are to take them through the next phase.

3 to 5 years:  (NO T.V.) This next one will be especially important if you have only one child - Do not allow your child to develop a selfish character.  This is the age where they must understand that sharing is and will be a part of life.  This can only be taught by you as the parent sharing what you have with your child ONLY when they have a good attitude and asking you politely.  This may mean that YOU will have to get over being selfish yourself.  They say the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.   The attitude of self-lessness will keep your child from thinking things are unfair.  You don't want them to think they have to have everything everyone else has around them as it is more important to teach them to appreciate what they already have. 
5 to 7 years:  (1 HOUR OF T.V. OR COMPUTER A DAY OR NONE) Don't allow them to be a poor looser.  This is the age when they need to learn how to loose with some style.  Most bad attitudes about loosing come from parents who may have also not learned the art of loosing.  Remember, kids don't know ANYTHING until they either learn it from their parents or the environment they are in on a constant basis.  If they see you loosing it at the baseball or soccer game,buy yelling out "Bad Call" or "That's not Fair", they will assume that their short coming was SOMEONE ELSE'S fault hence causing them to look for an external source to change or manipulate instead of causing them to look at themselves and make the necessary changes.   Remember, misery loves company so when your child is a poor looser, he/she will want to bring everyone else to their level.  .

8 to 10:  Don't disconnect:  (NO MORE THAN 1 HOUR OF T.V.  OR COMPUTER A DAY) By this age (especially in our society) children have already figured out how to use all the electronic communication devices and gizmo's such as the Internet, ipods, cell phones and so forth to communicate with each other.  This sense of freedom to communicate with friends and schoolmates has hit much earlier with this generation than it did back in the 70's when I was coming up.  What does this mean?  It could mean that if you have allowed your children to walk all over you from 0 to 2 and they only think of  themselves from 3 to 5 and they have destroyed picked on those around them who are successful all while inwardly not being able to handle loosing; and from age 5 to 7 then they more than likely have more in common with kids their own age than they do with THEIR own PARENTS.  This disconnection perpetuates the gap between parents and children to the point that what peers say can be more inflential than the advice of parents and that their social behavior has been largely accumulated from other kids their own age.

Don't allow them to quit - (NO MORE THAN 1 HOUR A DAY OF T.V. OR COMPUTER) - This skill becomes important because kids that quit eventually feel disappointed about never having completed a program or skill.  This is especially apparant when peers around them are accomplishing things they themselves were allowed to quit.  Today's parents are under the impression that children know what is good for them and should be allowed to make the decision as to whether or not they should continue an activity based on whether or not it's fun.   Kids who are allowed to quite on a perpetual basis don't really ever get good at anything and (A).  Do not stay busy enough to stay out of trouble (B).  Do not carry a sense of pride in a job well done.  Without staying busy, kids get board and when kids get board (due to the mischief of their peers) they don't usually find the most positive ways to express their boredom.  The inability to feel proud of yourself does not allow you to be proud of another persons accomplishments and actually causes you to resent those that are successful around you.  This eventually can lead to a person who is always trying to destroy the pride and hard work of another.

Age 11 to 13 - Don't allow them to speak ill of those around them.   (DON'T ALLOW MORE THAN 1 HOUR OF COMPUTER OR TV A DAY)  We do not allow our children to  criticize other children or adults by belittling them behind their backs.  This type of behavior is usually corrected by parents but remember, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.  If you are using phrases like "He doesn't know what he's talking about"  "What a looser"  "They're just stupid"  "That's unfair and shouldn't be allowed" .... then guess who is saying all that about you and everyone else behind your back. Teach your children to be RESPECTFUL of everyone by remaining silent when you don't have anything good to say.  I like the quote "Never miss out on a good opportunity to just be quiet" (I believe it was Dr. Phil) This attitude of Respect is taught early on when you didn't allow them to walk all over you from age 0 to 2 and you taught them the power of sharing.

Don't allow them to be overly critical of themselves: (DON'T ALLOW MORE THAN 1 HOUR OF TV OR COMPUTER A DAY)  A person who is TOO hard on themselves will in turn be too hard on others.  Remember, when people get frustrated they search for a way to release that frustration somewhere on someone.  Teaching children that "things aren't fair"will cause a child to think that life owes them something and if it doesn't come fast enough for them, they will just take it by belittling others to feel more important or noticed.  A person who is only being told all the bad things they are doing eventually finds someone else to criticize so that they are not feeling like they are the one with all the faults.   This is one of the worst things a child can learn.

14 to 16 Don't allow them to take more than they give:  (DON'T ALLOW MORE THAN 1 HOUR OF T.V. OR COMPUTER A DAY) By this age if they have learned they can get what they want through manipulation / the are selfish / they don't know how to turn loosing into a positive learning opportunity / they are chronic quitters / they are hard on themselves and overly critical of others I can guarantee that you have developed a person who has learned and been groomed through the years, to take more than they give.   Takers take more than the physical attack, they take emotionally as well.
By reading through the BACKOFFBULLIES blog stories you will see that those who take emotionally cause the greatest amount of damage.   Those who take more than they give feel that they deserve everything even if they have to take it by force.

Obviously I have only listed a few things at certain ages that a parent should be aware of and consequently I am aware that these ugly traits could rear their heads at different ages at different times.  These are the ages my children experience them and the ages that we battled them.  I'm sure you also notice the running thread of (NO MORE THAN 1 HOUR OF TV OR COMPUTER A DAY AND BETTER YET NONE WHEN YOU CAN HELP IT)  This has been, what I believe, the crowning success in our house in preventing the socialization of the bully mentality.  Without the influence of  shows that teach nothing but violence, deceit, malice, back biting, mischief, dishonesty, lying, cheating and revenge, my children have grown up only knowing life as we have taught it in our home with the added advantage of all the commercials that a pliable mind is exposed to while watching an average of 130 hours a week either watching and absorbing the "PROGRAMING" (there is a reason why it is called a program y'all) or on their electronic devices (usually unmonitored).  That is 41% of each and every day spent on electronic education - (remember TV and computer satisfy the Sesame Street generation 100% - like Sesame Street the TV and computer are quick source of entertainment / constantly changing variety, easy source of control and power, colorful and bright, lower level of brain activity and lulling people into living vicariously through what they watch on TV instead of doing it themselves.  (You did know that your child's brain is working less while watching Sesame Street than it is while you read them a book of course)

The purpose of this article is to open our eyes as parents to the other 100 things out there that our kids are learning while we might not be paying attention.  Turn off the TV - pull them off the computer and out of the headphones and get to know the most special gift your were ever privileged to receive.  After all, there's nothing worse than a child who later bullies their parents..

Until next time - "Be the Change You Want to See"
Professor J. McKey - KENJIUKAI-DO

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Back Off Bullies is a compilation of several different systems of Martial Arts used in the KENJIUKAI Combat System. The combinations of the differnt styles helps a student of KENJIUKAI make a choice about hurting another person and that choice is safety and humanity. Professor McKey has devised this system of self defense in the hopes that it will spawn a deeper concern for mankind and teach the community at large that everyone is special and deserving of a 2nd, 3rd and even 4th chance.

Check out more at www.respect1st.weebly.com

HERE'S HOW I READ ARTICLES I SEE ON BULLYING

Here is an article on the kind of advice being given to parents out there and I thought I should pick this apart from a professional’s opinion.

Dealing With Bullies

My 8-year-old son feels he is being bullied by neighborhood kids and he has threatened them back. He also has two sisters and feels invisible as the middle child in our family. What should I do?

"Our job as parents is to keep our kids safe. Always encourage your son to tell you if he is being bullied and how it makes him feel." --- I agree with this 100% but, this only happens when the parents are better listeners than advice givers. If all you do is solve your child’s problems each time they bring them to you, then you have enabled him/her from working the problem out them selves. Be a facilitator not a dictator.

"Remind him that it is not his fault"----- Evaluate to make sure it's not his/her fault because it could be.

"Suggest that he stay away from those kids and persuade him not to threaten back." ---- I agree that threatening is not the way to go but in some instances, better results are gained by at least standing up for your self and letting the bullies know that you are not going to take it any more. Most bullies are bark and no bite. This has been proven over and over again through out the years so don't be afraid to speak your mind when you know the time is right. Speaking your mind when it's 5 to 1 may not be the right time to stand up for yourself. If you have the ability to either draw attention to your situation or get away, you stand a better chance of standing up to bullies.

"You need to encourage him to be the "better person. Have him tell the kids who are bullying him that he doesn't like it and that they should stop! He could just say "Quit it, David" and then walk away." --- Although this is the best thing to do theoretically, sometimes you cannot just walk away and just saying STOP does not always work. If you are going to say stop and walk away, remember to keep your eye on the bully because there's nothing worse than being jumped from behind.

"Remind him that bullies like to upset people, so if he can keep his cool and react with a calm voice rather than an angry voice, the bully will not get the desired response." --- Some bullies see the calm voice as a target to continue the taunting. They see it as a challenge. I encourage you to day nothing and make eye contact with a confident face. Saying nothing makes you unpredictable and unpredictable is not what the bully is counting on.

"If your son doesn't feel comfortable saying that to the bully by himself, he could ask someone to be there when he does speak face to face with the bully. The bully might be more open to listening than to bullying when another person is present." --- Again, I say that if you are going to address bullies you need to be confident and make sure they know that you are not satisfied with their behavior. Having someone around when you do this only allows you the comfort in knowing someone will intercede if things go bad.

"Also, if your son doesn't feel comfortable with what you are suggesting, encourage him to just walk away but to still tell you about it." --- Remember what I said earlier, you will only get this to happen if you have established a reputation for being a listener and not a problem solver.

"You can discreetly go and have a word with the bully's parents and see if they can do something about their child's bullying ways." --- This sounds great but will only work if you have hard facts to back it up, have reports from the school or pictures that you have taken of bruises and scrapes or even text messages and posts that have been saved. Make sure that you are going to solve the problem and not add fuel to the fire. You could be causing a bigger problem than you ever imagined. Just make sure you evaluate the situation 1st. It may be better to get the principal or a 3rd party involved 1st with the child’s parents as their emotions won't be so raw and on edge. Regardless how bad children are, they are still someone’s child and the mothering instinct to protect and not believe another person may kick in but from a teacher or principal you may get better results.



Over all the suggestions aren't bad but make sure you read between the lines when you see an article like this. After all only you know your child. Each case of bullying is different so the suggestions here may or may not work so do your research on the subject and trust your gut.

Until next time, Be the change you want to see.

TOO MUCH FOCUS ON PUNISHMENT

I just finished watching movie about crimes and punishments and it stirred an emotion of anger and justice inside me. I started thinking of all the unspeakable crimes that are perpetrated and go unnoticed in our society these days.

The real question is, “what do you do with that anger”? After all, don’t we all get angry once in a while? Haven’t we all said “That’s not fair” and “He deserved what he got”? If you’re like me, you’ve said and meant this but was that the right thing to say? Was that the right way to act and think? Are we thinking about the solution in this frame of mind or are we just focused on how unfairly we’ve been treated or are we allowing our own bullying instinct to take over when someone gets punished for a crime they committed?

At what point in that criminals’ life would someone made a difference after all, it was more than likely the environment and society around him that caused him/her to do what they did and that same environment and society now wants to punish him or her. Does that make any sense?

Just like any maddening cycle, we have to change the way we are grooming criminals of any type so where does it start? Each of us has a circle of influence that in some small way we have say so and our words mean something. This is where we can spark a change that can make a difference. Just remember not to be involved in judging, criticizing, pigeon holing, pointing the finger, blaming, classifying or hating. Instead, let’s find the solution.

Be the change you want to see in stead of trying to change those around you. We need a cure, NOT a band aid.

CLICK HERE to read the article

Bully Presentation

Remember, this is but the tip of the ice berg on bully prevention - Please don't hesitate to email me your questions about bullying in your life, school or neighborhood. Together we can be the change we want to see.

Bully presentation

View more presentations from jay mckey.

DO WE REALLY NEED THE GOVERNMENT TO TELL US TO BE NICE

ANTI BULLYING LAW IS STRUCK DOWN in

NEW YOUR LEGISLATURE -

In a way I'm glad this law was taken down. Do we really need the government to force us to be nice to each other. Does being forced to be nice really make a person nice or will they just find another way to be mean. In my years of experience dealing with the human ego and phsyce I can tell you that people are a result of thier surroundings. It is each persons job to project kindness in everything they do so that all may be affected and invited to join in the unity of peace and harmony with their fellow man. This is the only way to create and invite change. Check this out and remember to BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE.

BUM BASHING

You might have asked yourself "so what's so wrong with letting my kids watch so much violence on T.V. and so what if they play violent video games for at least 3 to 4 hours a day" Well, here's your answer.

Violence just for the fun of it - after all, it's all they know and it's how you raised them.



It's not too late to take our kids back. Turn off the mindless violence and stop this epidemic

ABC NEWS - Bullying Story

Here's a sad turn of events where what some people think is harmless goes deadly wrong. The cruelty of our youth is only exasterbated by the amount of time they spend filling thier minds with useless dribble. Everything from primetime teen soaps to wastefull lyrics and violent packed movies. These are the things that have been proven study after study to transform the minds of our youth into cruel accomplises to destructive behaivor and even lead some to death.





Parents, do your children a favor when you can. Get to know them and allow them to know you. Turn that darn TV OFF and limit the amount of time they spend in front of that nasty machine. Remember, if they are spending more time in front of the TV than they are you, then the TV is realy raising your kids.

It's not to late to take our kids back.

When parent's good intentions disparage obese children

This is a touchy subject. Many parents do not realize the damage they are doing when they give into the desires of their children.

Obesity is not only unhealthy physically but the mental damage it can do is sometimes irreverable. What most parents see as love and adoration can sometimes end up as torture and torment. See http://www.foodienewz.com/ for the latest updates on how to better choose and maintain a healthy active lifestyle.

CLICK HERE for the whole story.

STUDENTS STANDING UP TO BULLYING

In the past I have shared with you the statisitcs that show that most students and passers by do nothing when it comes to their peers being bullied in the halls. Well, at one local school that is not the case.

This story is a breath of freash air and a modle for what more young people and adults should be doing in schools and offices all over the world. CLICK HERE for the story.

TODAY SHOW - The New Cyber Threat for Teens

CLICK HERE to see the latest update on the the TODAY SHOW -- ON LINE BULLIES "The New Cyber Threat for Teens"

This is important to know as more and more kids are accessing info on the web, through phones and Ipads. Especially those kids who are taking advantage of the facts that not all parents are savy with these kinds of devices. Remember, these reports are just the tip of the iceburg and you as parents need to make sure your kids devices are monitored and that you stay plugged into who your kids are, who they are hanging out with and how they feel everyday.

TIP OF THE DAY - Dinner time is not TV time.

Until next time - Stay Safe

Teen Suicide prompts schools to take on Bullying

Father speaking at his sons High School on April 14th 2010 2 months and one week after his son committed suicide from being bullied for being smart.

There are parts of every story that go untold. The untold story here is that the child in this instance did not feel comfortable enough to communicate his pain to them or a mentor. Being shy as a child only leads to hidding pain later in life. Parents, practice now listening to your children more than you talk to them, it could save thier life one day.

CLICK HERE FOR THE REST OF THE STORY

Birdville Parents take Bullying to the Board

Story was written April 22, 2010

Here's a good story about how bullying "is not" being handled in the local schools. My oppinion is that this problem will continue to happen as more and more of the electronic age becomes less and less able to handle human confrontation. The teachers must change the culture in the school as well as invite "not force" the student body to join them.

CLICK HERE FOR THE STORY

The NEW Karate Kid Trailer

This is the ultimate in movie about bullies. Gotta Love Jackie Chan yall

CLICK HERE TO PREVIEW TRAILER

USA TODAY - A Watershed Case on School Bullying

Phoebe Prince 15 years old, killed herself Jan 2010 when a group of teens relentlessly bullied her over a period of time for just trying to fit in.

This case (updated as of 4/5/10) has a lot of information about the new methods being used by todays bullies. It's also a sad one so have the tissue box near by.

CLICK HERE

Story TODAY in the Boston Globe

Click here to read about a horrible event that took place today in the Boston Globe. Tell everyone you know to jump on board at Back Off Bullies group on facebook Click Here to join - The cause is greater than you can imagine.

Currently working with a few schools to change the bullying culture. I'm trying to work with as many schools as possible and if you know the ends and outs of forming a non profit, I'm all ears.

Together we can do it.

"Be the Change YOU want to see"

Coach Jay

Bullying Story hitting close to home in Roanoke TX

The Equalizers

EYES - no matter how big your opponent is they cannot withstand a shot to the eyes or something thrown into the eyes.

NOSE - Any time the nose is hit, it will make them water and allow you time to either escape or follow up.

GROIN - No need to explain this one

THIGH - A good hard kick to the thigh leaves most attackers laying on the ground.

check out my website at http://www.respect1st.weebly.com/ for my DVD "Dirty Tricks with Pocket Sticks" set to release by the end of Summer 2010.

Keep your Eyes Open Everyone.

THE SWEET SPOTS

There are a few spots on the human body you should be aware of in any self defense situation. Some are going to be obvious on how to attack them and some are not.

1. BACK OF THE NECK - this is a target that gets ignored. It is the connection point of the central nervous system and if struck hard enough can knock out an opponent. Any harder than this and you can paralyze a person permanently so strike with caution.

2. THE JAW LINE - this is one of the 3 targets in the "Knock out Circle". If struck hard enough, you can not only dislocate or break the jaw, you will knock your opponent out. Use with caution

3. THE CHIN - this is the 3rd target in the "Knock out Circle". Again you can break the jaw, knock out teeth and knock your attacker out. Use with caution.

4. THE EYES - not only will strikes cause damage but so will anything else i.e.. salt, pepper, cleaning spray. I teach my students to spit in the eyes when close enough.

5. THE NECK - the side of the neck is the more human way to strike and cause your opponent to go a bit dizzy. WARNING - straight on throat shots will collapse the trachea and should only be used in life or death situations.

6. THE COLLAR BONE - these little bones break with about 8 to 10 pounds of pressure and are tremendously painful once broken. This renders your attackers arms weak and unable to grab or hold you.

7. THE SOLAR PLEXUS - this is a secret spot just below the sternum bone on your chest and if struck with enough concentrated force, you can stop the breathing of your attacker for about 30 seconds as well as temporarily paralyze your attacker - "I speak from experience here". The breathing is interupted because the diaphragm which controls the expansion and contraction of the lungs is halted temporarily.

8. THE FLOATING RIBS - these ribs are made of cartilage and break much easier than the mid or high rib. Once broken, the attacker will have a hard time breathing or fighting with you due to pain.

9. THE KIDNEYS - if struck hard enough will cause immense pain and possible blood in the urine.

10. THE SPINE - if bent or struck hard enough can enable an attacker from walking or fighting back.

11. THE GROIN - (No explanation needed here right)

12. THE OUTER THIGH - If struck hard enough will cause an attacker to fall and not be able to walk.

13. THE SHIN - same result as the outer thigh

14. THE TOP OF THE FOOT - these bones are the easiest to break and if stomped or spiked with an elbow can cause the attacker enough pain to give up or not be able to walk or run.


This list is a quick run down of targets you should keep in mind and hopefully never have to use.


Until next time

"Be the Change You Want to See"

Coach Jay

JEDI MIND TRICKS - How to deal with Bullies Psychologically

Almost 95% of Bullying starts as a mind game. Here a few facts you should know.

BULLIES ARE ENERGY "VAMPIRES"

What does that mean. This means that bullies get their strength and power from taking power or confidence away from another person. This could be done in the form of a verbal or physical confrontation. Once the bully has seen that you will cower to his/her barking, it's like "chum" in the water. This, like the Shark, puts the bully on an energy high. This holds especially true for people who have been bullied or mistreated in the past themselves.

This type of bullying is addictive and the bully, once he/she has tasted what it feels like to dominate someone either physically or verbally will search out another victim. The addiction grows when a bully is accepted and supported by his peers for being a bully and this is where an important piece of information for bully victims needs to know and that is - Bullies usually do their dirty work in front of their friends and away from authority figures. This is important because you can avoid those situations and greatly decrease your odds of becoming a bully victim.

BULLIES PREFER AN EASY TARGET BUT NOT ALWAYS.

The myth is that bullies have a bigger bark than bite. This is not true and should not be taken as a fact. Most people who bully verbally are more than willing to bully physically. This, however, does not mean that a bully is dumb. They want a target that is easy to manage and will not fight back. These targets make it easy for the bullies "gang" to attack as well. These are typically your "class clown" - "kids with special needs" - "loners" - "kids who don't fit the norm i.e. taller, smaller, larger, smaller, braces, glasses, fashion victims and so on" - "teachers pet" - "kids with intelligence" - "new kids". Lets break these down.

The Class Clown - "This was me". This is a person who is either trying too hard to be funny and stealing attention away from the bully or someone who may have cracked a joke aimed at a bully. This person is doing exactly what the bully is doing "competing for attention" so, being a bully, you can see where the problem starts. Remember it will usually start with a verbal competition to either make fun of the Class Clown or verbally tear him down by telling him how "dumb" he/she is. Most Class Clowns can curb this behavior by keeping their comments to themselves or just sharing their sense of humor with their close group of friends. Sometimes these outbursts can be controlled by a better nutritional diet as children who suffer with ADHD may encounter. In any case, it pays to recognize the attack a bully may be taking once you have pinpointed who they are and keep your eye on them. This should start your awareness from day one of that person and their friends.

Kids with Special Needs - "This was me again. I was LABELED one of those kids" as I was put on Ritalin as a child and had to go to these special classes - Now that I am a Nutritionist I now know that a change in diet could have made all the difference in the world. <<>> These are the kids who could be possible victims of bad diet or unfortunate circumstances , hence they act out. These kids are starving for affection and acceptance so acting out is their cry for help. This is the child that is perceived as a "dork" by the other kids. Remember, if there is one thing school is good at, it's labeling someone. Think about the following labels - band nerd, dork, looser, gifted and talented, remedial, wimp, bully, popular, in crowd, stoner, skater and so on. These labels tend to stick all throughout school and perception is more powerful than reality 98% of the time. You will end up being what everyone labels you so keep your outbursts to yourself and if you are having a hard time "acting our at school" consult a nutritionist before you start putting your child on a medicine that is proven to have suicidal and long term health affect. <<>>

Loners - "This was not me" - Loners are usually the most interesting people but are either too shy or too supressed to express it. These are the kids in class that don't say anything either because they are afraid of what everyone will say, they think their oppinion dosen't count or they don't see anyone in class that will understand them. Some Loners can be bullies as well. Most loners tend to supress their feelings from their parents as well hence they spend most of their school career either ready to drop out or they are just bidding their time until they get to the college of their choice or careers.

Kids Who Don't Fit In - "This was me on several levels" - These kids are also sometimes in the Loner catagory because they have some physical feature that causes them not to "fit in". These kids could be too short, tall, big, small, wear glasses, be fashion victims or smarter. This is a rough one because if you are the tallest kid in school and not a basket ball player, you are going to get picked on. If you are the smallest kid in the school and not on the soccer or cheerleading squad, you are going to get picked on (this was my story) - I was very short, in band wore glasses, didn't use obscene language and made decent grades. Someone might as well drawn a target on me. Needless to say I HATED JUNIOR HIGH. I did fit in but that was only at church and I even had bully problems there. (The church kids didn't get the memo about us being at church). There are only a few things you can do here and that is avoid bullies at all cost. I of course chose to join football my 8th grade year so that I could at least "try" and fit in. It seemed to work because now I was "one of them" and it was the early 80's in what was then labeled the "preppy school".

Teachers Pet - This was not me because after all, I was already a target. Plus I was never a "straight A student" so the teacher didn't really notice me. These are the kids who are coached by their parents to always raise their hand and be the 1st to speak out and in the real world you can get away with this if you are "popular". But, if you are just a regular Joe Shmo and all you are doing is brown nosing the teacher for their attention, you have also become a target. Now, I am not discouraging you to be the smartest kid in the class, just do it without making a big production. I had friends who figured this out. They were always on the honor roll but only spoke out in class when spoken to.

The SMART Kids - These are the kids - unless they are the head cheerleader or quarterback who make good grades and never get in trouble. Here is where the labeling comes in such as "Nerd", "Brainiac", "Bookworm", "Goodie Two Shoes". Remember, I'm not discouraging you from being the smartest kid in the class, just make sure you keep a low profile. No one but your friends and teacher need to know your business. This is just a transition to higher educaiton where you will later be appreciated for your knowledge.

The New Kids - This was really never me but my wife experience this quit a bit. These are the kids whose parents move a lot. They come into environments where "clicks" are established and they become the outsider. This is the age where accepting others just as they are is a rare occurance. Remember, in this group even if you were popular or the star of the basketball team in your old school, you could be now on the outside looking in just because those who are already considered #1 now feel threatened. In this instance it is better to make small talk with those around you and keep your opinions to yourself until you are accepted. This does not mean change who you are, just don't let who you are out all at once. People don't take to change too quickly especially if you are better than they are.

You can keep from being a target by being a better listener than talker. Rember that bullies like to do their worst around their friends to be noticed and bullies usually don't care if they get caught because that could increase their reputation as a bully and make them more feared. Should you experience these kinds of bullies find someone you can talk to about it (hopefully your parents).

Stay tuned and send me your questions - I will answer them on my blog and possibly through videos on Youtube or EHow.

Until next time

Coach McKey

THE PURPOSE OF BACK OFF BULLIES BLOG

BACK OFF BULLIES was created to cover a multitude of topics dealing with bullying and self esteem because sometimes the person treating you the worst is YOU.

I have been training in the Martial Arts for over 20 years and in Nutrition for the last 10 years. During this time I have seen the affects of bullying by others and by my students and clients. The affects are usually deep rooted and long term leading to anger issues and fear, both, of which, never produce a positive outcome.

BACK OFF BULLIES is intended to cause you to take a serious look at both yourself and your situation and help you to see that YOU can change your life or the life of someone you love by taking a stand.

BACK OFF BULLIES was created to examine both the bully and the victim through my personal experience as both. My journey through the Martial Arts & Health/Nutrition has shown me how a person can choose to rehabilitate themselves through positive choices.

I look forward to your feed back and success stories

Enjoy Everyone


Professor Jay McKey
Motivational Speaker / Self Defense Expert / Nutritionist
backoffbullies@gmail.com