Almost 95% of Bullying starts as a mind game. Here a few facts you should know.
BULLIES ARE ENERGY "VAMPIRES"
What does that mean. This means that bullies get their strength and power from taking power or confidence away from another person. This could be done in the form of a verbal or physical confrontation. Once the bully has seen that you will cower to his/her barking, it's like "chum" in the water. This, like the Shark, puts the bully on an energy high. This holds especially true for people who have been bullied or mistreated in the past themselves.
This type of bullying is addictive and the bully, once he/she has tasted what it feels like to dominate someone either physically or verbally will search out another victim. The addiction grows when a bully is accepted and supported by his peers for being a bully and this is where an important piece of information for bully victims needs to know and that is - Bullies usually do their dirty work in front of their friends and away from authority figures. This is important because you can avoid those situations and greatly decrease your odds of becoming a bully victim.
BULLIES PREFER AN EASY TARGET BUT NOT ALWAYS.
The myth is that bullies have a bigger bark than bite. This is not true and should not be taken as a fact. Most people who bully verbally are more than willing to bully physically. This, however, does not mean that a bully is dumb. They want a target that is easy to manage and will not fight back. These targets make it easy for the bullies "gang" to attack as well. These are typically your "class clown" - "kids with special needs" - "loners" - "kids who don't fit the norm i.e. taller, smaller, larger, smaller, braces, glasses, fashion victims and so on" - "teachers pet" - "kids with intelligence" - "new kids". Lets break these down.
The Class Clown - "This was me". This is a person who is either trying too hard to be funny and stealing attention away from the bully or someone who may have cracked a joke aimed at a bully. This person is doing exactly what the bully is doing "competing for attention" so, being a bully, you can see where the problem starts. Remember it will usually start with a verbal competition to either make fun of the Class Clown or verbally tear him down by telling him how "dumb" he/she is. Most Class Clowns can curb this behavior by keeping their comments to themselves or just sharing their sense of humor with their close group of friends. Sometimes these outbursts can be controlled by a better nutritional diet as children who suffer with ADHD may encounter. In any case, it pays to recognize the attack a bully may be taking once you have pinpointed who they are and keep your eye on them. This should start your awareness from day one of that person and their friends.
Kids with Special Needs - "This was me again. I was LABELED one of those kids" as I was put on Ritalin as a child and had to go to these special classes - Now that I am a Nutritionist I now know that a change in diet could have made all the difference in the world. <<>> These are the kids who could be possible victims of bad diet or unfortunate circumstances , hence they act out. These kids are starving for affection and acceptance so acting out is their cry for help. This is the child that is perceived as a "dork" by the other kids. Remember, if there is one thing school is good at, it's labeling someone. Think about the following labels - band nerd, dork, looser, gifted and talented, remedial, wimp, bully, popular, in crowd, stoner, skater and so on. These labels tend to stick all throughout school and perception is more powerful than reality 98% of the time. You will end up being what everyone labels you so keep your outbursts to yourself and if you are having a hard time "acting our at school" consult a nutritionist before you start putting your child on a medicine that is proven to have suicidal and long term health affect. <<>>
Loners - "This was not me" - Loners are usually the most interesting people but are either too shy or too supressed to express it. These are the kids in class that don't say anything either because they are afraid of what everyone will say, they think their oppinion dosen't count or they don't see anyone in class that will understand them. Some Loners can be bullies as well. Most loners tend to supress their feelings from their parents as well hence they spend most of their school career either ready to drop out or they are just bidding their time until they get to the college of their choice or careers.
Kids Who Don't Fit In - "This was me on several levels" - These kids are also sometimes in the Loner catagory because they have some physical feature that causes them not to "fit in". These kids could be too short, tall, big, small, wear glasses, be fashion victims or smarter. This is a rough one because if you are the tallest kid in school and not a basket ball player, you are going to get picked on. If you are the smallest kid in the school and not on the soccer or cheerleading squad, you are going to get picked on (this was my story) - I was very short, in band wore glasses, didn't use obscene language and made decent grades. Someone might as well drawn a target on me. Needless to say I HATED JUNIOR HIGH. I did fit in but that was only at church and I even had bully problems there. (The church kids didn't get the memo about us being at church). There are only a few things you can do here and that is avoid bullies at all cost. I of course chose to join football my 8th grade year so that I could at least "try" and fit in. It seemed to work because now I was "one of them" and it was the early 80's in what was then labeled the "preppy school".
Teachers Pet - This was not me because after all, I was already a target. Plus I was never a "straight A student" so the teacher didn't really notice me. These are the kids who are coached by their parents to always raise their hand and be the 1st to speak out and in the real world you can get away with this if you are "popular". But, if you are just a regular Joe Shmo and all you are doing is brown nosing the teacher for their attention, you have also become a target. Now, I am not discouraging you to be the smartest kid in the class, just do it without making a big production. I had friends who figured this out. They were always on the honor roll but only spoke out in class when spoken to.
The SMART Kids - These are the kids - unless they are the head cheerleader or quarterback who make good grades and never get in trouble. Here is where the labeling comes in such as "Nerd", "Brainiac", "Bookworm", "Goodie Two Shoes". Remember, I'm not discouraging you from being the smartest kid in the class, just make sure you keep a low profile. No one but your friends and teacher need to know your business. This is just a transition to higher educaiton where you will later be appreciated for your knowledge.
The New Kids - This was really never me but my wife experience this quit a bit. These are the kids whose parents move a lot. They come into environments where "clicks" are established and they become the outsider. This is the age where accepting others just as they are is a rare occurance. Remember, in this group even if you were popular or the star of the basketball team in your old school, you could be now on the outside looking in just because those who are already considered #1 now feel threatened. In this instance it is better to make small talk with those around you and keep your opinions to yourself until you are accepted. This does not mean change who you are, just don't let who you are out all at once. People don't take to change too quickly especially if you are better than they are.
You can keep from being a target by being a better listener than talker. Rember that bullies like to do their worst around their friends to be noticed and bullies usually don't care if they get caught because that could increase their reputation as a bully and make them more feared. Should you experience these kinds of bullies find someone you can talk to about it (hopefully your parents).
Stay tuned and send me your questions - I will answer them on my blog and possibly through videos on Youtube or EHow.
Until next time
Coach McKey
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