THE ADULT BULLY

I have read several articles that "classify" adult bullies but I would like to write purely from my own perspective so here goes.

THE "BOSSY" BULLY - this person makes sure to take over when every possible and likes to put themselves in a position to be able to tell others what to do even when they are fully aware that others know what to do.  For example "Bill, don't forget that the boss wanted us to finish that project by Tuesday".  These bullies also have little to no empathy for anyone they target.

THE "BE-LITTLER" BULLY - This bully finds anyway they can to a person down at any given time.  For example.    "Yeah, I tried that and it really doesn't' work as good as everyone says it does" .

THE "COWARD/GOSSIP" BULLY - These are the slimiest of all.  These are people who only talk behind a persons back.  They slink around like dark shadows wreaking havoc by appearing to talk innocently about a person or their family.

THE "WORD GAME" BULLY - This person likes to show a person up by either playing on words or playing the "semantics" game.  For example.   "Bill, you don't really mean literally because literally would not actually demonstrate the meaning in this situation"  This bully likes to show you up by catching yo in your words

THE "IGNORer" BULLY - These are the passive aggressive types that will conveniently ignore a person when it would be appropriate to acknowledge them.  They can do this by skipping over a person while handing out flyers or information in a meeting or group environment.

THE "CONTRADICTING" BULLY - These bullies will contradict everything a person has to say just for the sake of an argument or making another person feel bad or uncomfortable.

THE "SNOBBY" BULLY - These bullies have created a sense of entitlement about their social status, economic status or cultural status.  The can have many of the characteristics of the above listed bullies.

THE "TATTLING" BULLY  - These bullies dig and look for things a person may be doing wrong in order to report or tattle about their activities.  Most of the times, these reports are slanted and even untrue.  The tattler makes themselves seem superior by pointing out others faults.

"PEER PRESSURE" BULLY"  This is a bully that can only bully when another person or group are actively bullying someone either behind their back of face to face as a group.

STRESSED BULLY - This person bullies as a release, taking out their confusion and frustrations on those around them.   They can be confused with the BOSSY BULLY because they usually are in positions of power and have no issue unleashing their damage on those subordinates who either cannot respond or are fearful to respond.

THE "KIND" BULLY  - This bully appears around others to be sweet and kind but quickly turns into the "COWARD/GOSSIP" bully when their target is out of range.  They talk sweetly to the surrounding group in a demeaning way that attempts to sound as if she feels sorry for the target.

THE "INTIMIDATION" BULLY - This is a person who just uses anger and tone of voice to intimidate those around them.  This is usually a well spoken bully who talks fast and confident giving the illusion of intelligence and know how.   They can convince the target and/or a group that they are in control and should be calling the shots.

THE "JOKER" BULLY - This bully makes fun of people in a joking way, humorously ruining a persons reputation.  This can be grouped with the "BELITTLING BULLY" bully by trying to down play the importance of the targets decisions, ideas or requests.  For example:  "I'm not really sure that will work" or "That's not really a good idea because...........".

These are the bullies that I see now , in my world.  They are really just the same bullies I saw as a child only now they are more crafty, more cowardly and more resourceful as some of them now hold positions of power they did not as children.  I'm still hoping and praying that someday, in some way, they will truly see what they are and what they are doing to humanity, their children and themselves.  Together we can make a difference.   Be the change you want to see in our world.


Coach Jay
Until next time.

HOW BULLIES ARE CREATED

Well, it's been way too long since my last post but school is in week number 2 and it KILLS me to see all the bullying stories that have already hit the news.  This one, in particular, in Connecticut.  This child was so close to getting out of the "hell" that high school can be for someone who is different. This caused me to want to see what studies have been done regarding "how" a bully is made.

I have 1st hand experience with this as I was on both the receiving and giving end of bullying.  My personal story is just that I was tired of being picked on for being short, wearing glasses, being in the band & a goodie 2 shoes "churchy" kid.  These, of course were the names that were given to me by my bullies.  My Martial Arts training fortunately put an end to all of that, not to mention that fact that I did not go looking for trouble too much.

I wanted to look at something that I some don't think about.  Do PARENTS create bullies.  I feel like Dr. Joel Haber hits best on all the topics that I have seen as both a victim, a bully and a martial arts coach who dealt with the children (and adults) who were both victims and bullies.   I hope you will take a little time to read through this article and meditate about the messages, both direct and indirect that we all as parents are sending to our children.  

As always, "Be the change you want to be"

Coach McKey 

CLICK HERE TO READ DR HABER'S ARTICLE