I have read several articles that "classify" adult bullies but I would like to write purely from my own perspective so here goes.
THE "BOSSY" BULLY - this person makes sure to take over when every possible and likes to put themselves in a position to be able to tell others what to do even when they are fully aware that others know what to do. For example "Bill, don't forget that the boss wanted us to finish that project by Tuesday". These bullies also have little to no empathy for anyone they target.
THE "BE-LITTLER" BULLY - This bully finds anyway they can to a person down at any given time. For example. "Yeah, I tried that and it really doesn't' work as good as everyone says it does" .
THE "COWARD/GOSSIP" BULLY - These are the slimiest of all. These are people who only talk behind a persons back. They slink around like dark shadows wreaking havoc by appearing to talk innocently about a person or their family.
THE "WORD GAME" BULLY - This person likes to show a person up by either playing on words or playing the "semantics" game. For example. "Bill, you don't really mean literally because literally would not actually demonstrate the meaning in this situation" This bully likes to show you up by catching yo in your words
THE "IGNORer" BULLY - These are the passive aggressive types that will conveniently ignore a person when it would be appropriate to acknowledge them. They can do this by skipping over a person while handing out flyers or information in a meeting or group environment.
THE "CONTRADICTING" BULLY - These bullies will contradict everything a person has to say just for the sake of an argument or making another person feel bad or uncomfortable.
THE "SNOBBY" BULLY - These bullies have created a sense of entitlement about their social status, economic status or cultural status. The can have many of the characteristics of the above listed bullies.
THE "TATTLING" BULLY - These bullies dig and look for things a person may be doing wrong in order to report or tattle about their activities. Most of the times, these reports are slanted and even untrue. The tattler makes themselves seem superior by pointing out others faults.
"PEER PRESSURE" BULLY" This is a bully that can only bully when another person or group are actively bullying someone either behind their back of face to face as a group.
STRESSED BULLY - This person bullies as a release, taking out their confusion and frustrations on those around them. They can be confused with the BOSSY BULLY because they usually are in positions of power and have no issue unleashing their damage on those subordinates who either cannot respond or are fearful to respond.
THE "KIND" BULLY - This bully appears around others to be sweet and kind but quickly turns into the "COWARD/GOSSIP" bully when their target is out of range. They talk sweetly to the surrounding group in a demeaning way that attempts to sound as if she feels sorry for the target.
THE "INTIMIDATION" BULLY - This is a person who just uses anger and tone of voice to intimidate those around them. This is usually a well spoken bully who talks fast and confident giving the illusion of intelligence and know how. They can convince the target and/or a group that they are in control and should be calling the shots.
THE "JOKER" BULLY - This bully makes fun of people in a joking way, humorously ruining a persons reputation. This can be grouped with the "BELITTLING BULLY" bully by trying to down play the importance of the targets decisions, ideas or requests. For example: "I'm not really sure that will work" or "That's not really a good idea because...........".
These are the bullies that I see now , in my world. They are really just the same bullies I saw as a child only now they are more crafty, more cowardly and more resourceful as some of them now hold positions of power they did not as children. I'm still hoping and praying that someday, in some way, they will truly see what they are and what they are doing to humanity, their children and themselves. Together we can make a difference. Be the change you want to see in our world.
Coach Jay
Until next time.
This hits too close to home,(probably for many of us.) I have had to deal with these kind of bullies and I'm sad to say, I have at times been this type of bully. I was never a bully growing up. I was quite frequently the one being bullied. That seems odd to many people to think of since I was much larger than most of the other kids my age, was a fairly good looking kid, (even though I did not realize it at the time), and for the most part was very likable. For all of the bullying, I did not realize that any of these things where true. But this bullying did not start at school. It started at home with older brothers and even with my parents. I was the youngest of my brothers so I was the but of most of there jokes, so it was just natural to take this same position when I became school age.
ReplyDeleteI learned to deal with it and figured that if I couldn't laugh about it there must be something wrong with me. So I learned to laugh about it. eventually I had children and I did not want them to have the same depressed feeling that I had so I taught my older children early to be able to "laugh at them selves." How did I do this? I picked on them just like my brothers, cousins, and school friends picked on me. I though I was toughening them up so they would not feel so demoralized when they got older. What sick thinking! I demoralized them in order to keep them from feeling demoralized.
I realized while my oldest son was still young, that this was a foolish and abusive way of parenting. I have worked hard to correct this in him. I also had to work hard to correct the damage that was passed on from him to my next son, and from him and my next son to my next son. By my forth son, I finally was able to see the effects of my efforts. It is interesting that all of my children are much like me in the fact that none of them would stand to see some one who was a different, underprivileged, or who seemed a little strange to be picked on. Yet they had no problem picking on there younger more helpless brother. I, for some reason, saw no problem, or worse, saw it necessary to pick on my younger defenseless children.
Though I have been able to correct my actions and the action of my children, I can never reverse the effects of those action. I can never take back the hurt that I was caused and that I caused. I have to leave that up to God who can.
I am one of a very few who realized that this is honorably wrong and one of even fewer who were willing to put forth the effort to correct it not only in myself but in my children. It saddens me to think that I can't personally reach in a positive way those who I have effected negatively through the line of my children.
Though I can not reach many of them, I can reach those who would otherwise be bullied and eventually become bullies.
Thank you Jay for helping me to do that by all the work you have put into eliminating this crisis we face in the U.S.
Thanks for sharing Daniel. It truly takes a man to admit when he is wrong and I feel that your story will help others understand the honorable position we have as parents to our children. Your family will be blessed by all that you do going forward in the eyes of your community and in the eyes of God.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless you.